A Valentine ... To Myself
On this beautiful Valentine’s Day, I decided I would treat myself to a nice lunch, and write a valentine to my heart.
For all of my writing my healing journey these past four years, it was the first time I’d really written a letter to myself, and it was so powerful.
After my writing lunch - at which, by the way, I was surprised by my lovely waiter with a special dessert - I stopped to pick up some Valentine’s goodies for myself. I’d just planned on picking up whatever little kid candy looked fun, but after spending time reflecting on the gifts my heart has brought me, I decided that it gets the giant huggable bear whose eyes I swear are filled with love and grace, the most beautiful box of chocolate they had, and some cozy socks and SweetTart hearts, ‘cause we are here for joy.
I love these words that poured forth as I enjoyed one of my favorite lunches … Chips, queso, Diet Coke, and spicy shrimp.
Life is a beautiful thing.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
My beloved heart,
Happy Valentine’s Day to YOU.
You, who love and care for me every moment of every day.
You, who have taken the time to see and learn and know what I want and need, and spend your life endeavoring to create it.
I am so grateful for you.
You pay attention to what I’m feeling and carrying in every moment ... Always searching for the truth of my pain rather than the lack in my intention.
Always seeing the love in my desire rather than the imperfection in my execution.
You who know my every wound and therefore know which voices heal and which ones hurt ... Understanding that those realities have nothing to do with what those voices intend.
You, who help me keep strong and kind boundaries ... Letting in the voices that heal and simply sidestepping those that hurt.
You remind me every day that my heart gets to live and breathe and speak what’s true.
That what’s true matters and gets to be spoken ... Simply because it’s true.
You remind me that when we don’t speak what is true, we wither and die.
You remind me that when I’m feeling the weight of “not enough-ness,“ it’s because it was handed to me by people who didn’t know how to see or love me.
You.
Who have the unimaginable wisdom of knowing that everyone in my young life loved me to the best of their ability ... And that that does not change the fact that it was not enough and I grew up with no understanding of love.
You ... Who knew that real, true love existed even when you’d never seen it.
You understand that life is not a fight, and that our setting it up that way is the problem.
That it is EVERY problem.
You, my sweet beloved heart, finally stopped the war we’d been taught was what it meant to be a “good“ person.
You finally stopped the relentless destruction of criticism and control and direction and “will power” and “accountability” and all those other things we worship when we set life up as a battle ... Discovering that GRACE is the secret to accomplishing our goals.
You, who finally embraced the right voices and learned to speak to me with kindness.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you.
You.
YOU.
Who make me the center of your world.
So I am no longer longing to be the center of anyone else’s.